Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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