im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
