i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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