between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
