She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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