yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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