i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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