I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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