So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
