just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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