i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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