Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
