Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
