You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
