a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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