Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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