I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
