I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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