Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
two words: eviction party
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
