im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
