If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
