Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
