The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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