he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
