i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
