Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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