just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
