Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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