i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
