you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Girls should come with a carfax report
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
