it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
