I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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