Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
