I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
handjob tips. give me some.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they're like a gay fantastic four
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
