Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
