So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
