im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
