she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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