If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
