The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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