So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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