if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
