Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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