So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
