if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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