I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
