I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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