i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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