well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
