You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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