Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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