im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize